Accepting My Diagnosis
By: Moquahontas
By: Moquahontas
During both of my stints at a popular local Psychiatric Hospital, I've learned that I have what is considered a dual diagnosis. This means that I suffer from several mental illness diagnosis in addition to my allergy and addiction to alcohol.
Thankful to have health insurance that covers my treatment, and also to be at a hospital with an excellent reputation for successful rehabilitation, I intend to learn all there is to learn about being Bipolar I. I was recently diagnosed and that was a whirlwind for me. I truly believed that the projects that I was maintaining successfully was due to my amazing ability to organize, prioritize, multi-task, and complete them in record timing. However, I've since learned that the feeling of invincibility is attributed to a defect of the disorder called mania. I truly believed that I was invincible. I was juggling all these projects, daily, while working along side my co-workers and maintaining a great reputation for getting things done quickly and correctly. It was my super power. 💪
To add insult to injury, I was recently placed on a higher dosage of a medicine that is prescribed specifically for my Bipolar disorder. I dragged myself (pity party in tow) to the pharmacy and dropped off my new script. Because of the increased dosage, I have been having headaches and have been lethargic after the IOP program that I participate in during the day. The sad thing is, I'd rather be manic than medicated because I am more productive. I forgot that today is Sunday and that the pharmacy has different hours on Sundays. I immediately felt dread and increased anxiety. I am anticipating the worst, as we Bipolar folks tend to do, because I was unable to make it to the pharmacy before it closed today. That was my fault because I went to sleep.
Now, I feel a headache coming on and I also know that tomorrow, I will feel the effects of missing my medication tonight. I hope I can still sleep tonight.😔
Back to accepting my Bipolar I diagnosis...I guess I still haven't. It makes me feel vulnerable and broken. I feel relief also because now there's a name for my bizarre and unusual behavior. There is a reason for my feelings of instability. My anxiety and depression are heightened. I hate knowing that I have to face my therapist and fellow group members without having my meds. What is going to happen? I'll try my best to manage...please pray for me. Your girl is NERVOUS! 👀😔
-Moquahontas
To add insult to injury, I was recently placed on a higher dosage of a medicine that is prescribed specifically for my Bipolar disorder. I dragged myself (pity party in tow) to the pharmacy and dropped off my new script. Because of the increased dosage, I have been having headaches and have been lethargic after the IOP program that I participate in during the day. The sad thing is, I'd rather be manic than medicated because I am more productive. I forgot that today is Sunday and that the pharmacy has different hours on Sundays. I immediately felt dread and increased anxiety. I am anticipating the worst, as we Bipolar folks tend to do, because I was unable to make it to the pharmacy before it closed today. That was my fault because I went to sleep.
Now, I feel a headache coming on and I also know that tomorrow, I will feel the effects of missing my medication tonight. I hope I can still sleep tonight.😔
Back to accepting my Bipolar I diagnosis...I guess I still haven't. It makes me feel vulnerable and broken. I feel relief also because now there's a name for my bizarre and unusual behavior. There is a reason for my feelings of instability. My anxiety and depression are heightened. I hate knowing that I have to face my therapist and fellow group members without having my meds. What is going to happen? I'll try my best to manage...please pray for me. Your girl is NERVOUS! 👀😔
-Moquahontas
